No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
