I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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