I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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