Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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