I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
