I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
