I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
