"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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