So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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