I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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