Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
