My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
