Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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