my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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