once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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