apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
