he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
