She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
