Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
