Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
