I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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