So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
