This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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