Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
