you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
