All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
