do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
