You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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