my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
