I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
