At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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