he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
