i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
