they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
