Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
