wakey wakey hands off snakey
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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