I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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