You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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