Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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