haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
