You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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