Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
