fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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