he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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