I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
