yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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