just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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