had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
