My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
