Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
