I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
