wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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