Will you blow on my dice?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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