"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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