I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
