but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
