Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
